had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
