I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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