I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
