I could have mohawked her pubes.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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