Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
