umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
