Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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