i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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