I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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