sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
