thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
