my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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