I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize