she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
