You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
