Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize