i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
