he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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