Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Vodka?
Forever.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
