he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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