I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
