I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
