life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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