I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
