guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
