God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
