Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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