can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
