cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is wine microwaveable?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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