There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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