Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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