It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
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And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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