It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
