He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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