his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
