Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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