You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
