Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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