Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
