i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
