I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize