Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
