Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She's the barista slut.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
