Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
