just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
