I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
