i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Randomize
