I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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