I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
