i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize