the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
