True but thats because hes a fetus.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
