The maid of honor just puked.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
