You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
