from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
