i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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