HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
