i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
this boner is exhausting
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Pooping to opera.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
