oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
