He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
