tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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