oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
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