woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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