I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
