On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
