it was like his penis was on wheels.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
