My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
