I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Be still, my beating vagina.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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