closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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