Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
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if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
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I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor