Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug

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  (650): i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug http://tfl.nu/0t6b
  Replies (25) Good night (3164) Bad night (673)
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  (323): View more from California

  If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"

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  (323): If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina" http://tfl.nu/xi2d
  Replies (19) Good night (2820) Bad night (950)
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  (716): View more from New York

  you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.

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  (716): you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all. http://tfl.nu/2dp0
  Replies (32) Good night (1948) Bad night (3865)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.

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  (240): I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way. http://tfl.nu/5yxg
  Replies (26) Good night (4166) Bad night (1568)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  we need to stop having unprotected sex.

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.

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  (319): we need to stop having unprotected sex. (1-319): ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores. http://tfl.nu/85im
  Replies (31) Good night (1176) Bad night (4167)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment

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  (908): He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment http://tfl.nu/mluf
  Replies (10) Good night (927) Bad night (3269)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."

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  (919): She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..." http://tfl.nu/ca9j
  Replies (17) Good night (918) Bad night (5852)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.

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  (610): The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous. http://tfl.nu/sorz
  Replies (3) Good night (3471) Bad night (1208)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'

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  (845): we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class' http://tfl.nu/85i4
  Replies (38) Good night (1647) Bad night (6180)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.

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  (773): I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech. http://tfl.nu/9arc
  Replies (8) Good night (4976) Bad night (1320)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.

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  (915): everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself. http://tfl.nu/tl80
  Replies (8) Good night (2051) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey

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  (774): This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey http://tfl.nu/q901
  Replies (10) Good night (1738) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls

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  (814): iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls http://tfl.nu/7ylt
  Replies (4) Good night (836) Bad night (520)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.

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  (907): I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind. http://tfl.nu/12c7
  Replies (3) Good night (753) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?

  (520): View more from Arizona

  No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas

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  (480): Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital? (520): No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas http://tfl.nu/4qq7
  Replies (1) Good night (679) Bad night (142)

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