I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
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Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
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My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.