At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
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You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??