So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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