did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.