no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
