there's paper in my vomit.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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