I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
