***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
