I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
