That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
