My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
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There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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