She is in my trunk
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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